INRIhab.

I Feel Just Like A Child.

I complain a lot, but right now I am really, very happy.

I have the best friends that anyone could ask for. They are with me no matter what happens, for the good times and the bad times.

I have a boyfriend who I love and cherish. I couldn’t ask for anyone else in the world. No one makes me happier.

I have a job where I make good money, and I have a ton of fun being there. I finally have a job where I can honestly say that I am never sad about having to go in.

Everything is good. I know that things seem shitty a lot, and maybe tomorrow something will happen that brings me right down again. But I know that I will always be able to cheer up after I have sat in a funk for long enough. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, and I am. I truly am.

I love life, again.

Gods Out of Garbage.

Today was weird.

I am now friends with two new people, though. So that is always nice. I like new friends.
The first is my friend Giles’ girl-thing. Terri. She apparently talked to him a lot about me, and she thinks that I look like a sweet girl. I lurked her a little bit, and it seems that we have a great deal of things in common. Even if the things are ‘being ridiculously jealous’, ‘being mental’, and ‘lurking a whole lot’, it is nice to meet someone who is like me in some different ways. So over facebook, we are now friends. It is kinda nice to meet new people.
The other is a mutual friend of some of my friends, being Christina. She is going through a terrible breakup with a boy that I know, and I sent her a little message saying that I hoped she would be okay. Either way, she has wanted to talk to me for a while now, and we are hanging out on Friday at Sara’s birthday shindig. I am kinda happy about that. I have nothing against meeting new people. Even though I don’t really get along with girls that much, these ones will hopefully be really sweet, like I keep on hearing they are.

Two of my friends broke up, and I am very weirded out about that. I mentioned it earlier, and I just don’t know how to take it. Break-up’s always freak me out. I like to hope that people are in it for the long haul, even if I feel as if I will never find that. I always hope the best for people, and it sucks when things don’t work out. I just wish that I could help them. Same with Christina. She is so unhappy, and I hate that our relationship is established on me wanting to help her through her break up. I wish that I had met her in some other way, and that it had been happier. I am glad regardless that I have a new friend, but I don’t think that anyone deserves to go through what she is going through.

I also talked to Giles a lot today, which was nice. We never really talked a whole lot before, as he was just friends with everyone that I am friends with. He is a really nice boy, and I am pretty bummed out that he is not coming back to Brock. But really, who wants to go to Brock? Come on, now.

Either way, there just seemed to be a lot of drama surrounding me today, and even though it was nice to have none of it having to do with me, I still wish that I could help the people that are going through it. I hate to see people unhappy like this. Especially because of a relationship. There is literally nothing that you can say to make things better, besides the corny, ‘take it one day at a time’ or ‘things will get better soon’.

In better news, Brandon called me today, and even though it took forever, because my phone had broken (frozen) randomly, and I didn’t know it until he came online and told me, it was really nice that he was trying to call me all day. I am glad that I have him, and as much as I worry, he is a really sweet boy. I am so lucky to have him in my life. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world sometimes when I look at pictures of him or something. He is such an attractive boy, and I sometimes don’t understand how I even got him. Things like that make a weird day seem a whole lot better.

The whole world may be burning up, but that doesn’t mean that we have to be cynical.

Don't Panic.

It is too hot in my room.

I finally don’t have to go to work today, and I am staying in bed all day. I got up to make tea and hot cereal, and then I hurried back into my personal heaven. Luckily, my weird housemate walked into the house as I stood in the kitchen in my bra and sweat pants. I was worried no one would get to see how attractive I look today (not).

Breakups confuse me.

For some reason, I can’t help but think that the snowball effect will hit my relationship. There always seem to be times where everyone is breaking up, and I don’t know how to stop myself from worrying. I always assume that it will hit me as well, no matter how happy I am in the relationship I am in. Although it seems like the snowball effect hits everyone, I can’t pretend to be naive. I know that it is my fault for being crazy in relationships. I really want to learn to be normal. I don’t like breakups. They really only make me worse off than I was before.

I don’t think that I believe in love anymore, but there is still the hope that one day I will find it somewhere. I want more than anything to have the happiness that i see in movies or on television, even though a greater part of me believes that it doesn’t really exist in reality.

Sara is twenty one.

I know that a lot of my friends are this age, or older, but for some reason, because it is her, it hits me harder. I mean, we have a lot in common, so I always see myself in her. And she is twenty one. Which means that in a couple months, I will be twenty one. I just can’t believe it, yet. I don’t even know how I got this old. I am not thinking about the ridiculous drinking laws in the States, or the fact that I can do anything in the world now, but instead I am thinking about how much of my life has past me by. Time always does that to me. I usually just don’t notice my life, as is the case with most people I believe, but for some reason, every now and then, I look back and I realize that my life isn’t a movie. I will finish school. I will have a career. I will have a family of some kind and I will, eventually die. And that will be it. There is no rewind or fastforward or pause. I will live my life through and I will end at some point. It is too scary to even fathom right now. I am in no way ready for my life to continue past this year. Past this month. Past this day. Past this moment.

I wish that I wasn’t so cynical.

All This Ringing In My Ears.

Currently, I am thinking about:

I am drinking expired milk from three days ago because I just want to have coffee so badly.

I am crazy about Brandon Silcock.

I am sad that I couldn’t attend Jason Giles’ birthday shindig.

I am still tired.

I am hungry for cake, which I will be eating tonight.

I am the luckiest girl in the world because of my friends.

I miss my little sister.

I am broke, but will have money soon.

I am going to buy a lion hair bunny. He will be black and his name will be Atlas Wolf.

If I date Brandon for a long time, I will actually buy him a husky puppy.

I am still drinking this coffee, and it is God-awful.

I have brown hair and long nails. For once in my life. But I hope that I still look different from everyone else. I don’t want to be too generic.

I actually like my job.

I am excited to go to New York and stay in the Chelsea Hotel with Sara and Emi. I also need to find a legit fake I.D.

Not Her.

It is actually amazing how I can have such a good time with Brandon, and feel so incredibly happy to be with him and trust him and whatnot, and then all it takes is one comment from that slutty whore to make my day go to hell. I literally hate her so much. I don’t know if it is because she reminds me so much of Meghan Liske, or whether it is because so many people have warned me against her. Or maybe it is the ‘i love you’, ‘lover’ ‘xox’ and such that she insists on advertising that makes me nervous. Or that he used to be crazy about her. Or that she is fucking gorgeous, and I have never been able to keep a guy interested when a sexy blonde comes into the picture.

I know he wouldn’t cheat on me. I know that wouldn’t happen. I know that he has told me that it was a long time ago that he used to want her. But I don’t trust her, and honestly, I could meet the slut and still hate her life.

I wish the God that I could just straight up tell him how I feel. I don’t want him to talk to her. I don’t see why he wants to if she is the girl that everyone says that she is. I seriously just don’t want to have to worry about another sexy blonde with my boyfriend. I can’t do that anymore.

And maybe Jason is right. Maybe I will get rid of her, and there will be someone else that I am uncomfortable with. I have issues with girls and my boyfriends. I wish I was more trusting, but I really don’t know how to be. That is how I am, and I think that I have earned that jealousy over the years of betrayal. I know that he is different, and I wish my heart and my head could understand.

But in a sweaty club, drinking, with her wearing nothing, I can’t help but lose sleep.

And who do I talk to when everyone tells me not to worry? I know that he is a good guy, and I still can’t help it. Mostly because I already know that she is a giant slut that wants him.

I just want her to fuck off.

Note To Self;

Sidenote: my hair is now dark ‘chocolate’ brown.

Goodbye redhead!

There is officially one less physical attribute for Brad to mock me about.

Cities and Years.

Wednesday is my favourite night ever, usually.

I don’t even think that I have THAT much fun when I am out, but I always get silly drunk with Sara, and that is good enough, I think.

It kind of sucks that the most I have done today was to smoke outside and make a sweet-ass breakfast. At 4:30pm. An hour after I woke up.

I don’t feel hungover at all though, which I suppose is pretty nice. I guess I slept way too much for it to have any negative effect on my day. Or what is left of it.

I have started talking to a lot of people that I never thought I would talk to again, lately. I am not going to mention any names, because really, you never know what is going to happen. Usually I get in a lot of fights with people and we stop talking. I don’t have any old friends, really. They are all pretty new. I change friends as often as I smoke, which is a lot, apparently, according to my half empty pack. I guess I will just have to see how these old relationships will establish themselves into my present life, if they even can find a place in it. I seem to be busy a lot of the time.

I don’t like my new job, but I need the money so bad that I think I had better just stick with it until I find something better, or they fire me. I wish I could get one of these amazing office jobs that everyone (brad, giles, binns, seacrest, neabs) seem to have. I am not any good at anything that they do in their offices, but it would still be pretty amazing to have a full time job where I make decent money. I need to get my life together really, really soon, I think.

Maybe tomorrow, though.